27 November 2017

Not getting easier

Next week, we move to December. Time has certainly flown, but not because we had so much fun, but because we had been so busy. Not just at work, but more so with church group activities. I feel that I have actually been escaping from my personal loss by keeping myself busy. Because when I am alone, the loneliness starts flooding back.

Nanay will be celebrating her birthday on the 18th. It is the first time I won't be able to ring her up and wish her a Happy Birthday, or be able to go on holiday and be with her. Sometimes I wonder how other people who I know have lost a loved one can cope. Now that I don't have my Nanay anymore, I know the answer. They don't. They just have to keep on living - for their family, friends, for themselves. They hope that their grief will ease out in time.

And that is where I am at now. Trying to keep on living, keeping myself busy, hoping that someday I will come to terms with my own grief and accept my loss. When that will be, I do not know. One thing I do know: that the next few weeks will be a very difficult one for me.

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